And then I have surgery. Scary! But exciting. But scary!

I'm hoping to get some art done during my down time. I won't be able to work for three months at the least, so I'll have way too much time on my hands...


If you don't know about Scheuermann's Disease, or you have some other medical ailment I suggest you visit the links below. : )


MDJunction
Scheuermann's Disease

I have a date set for my surgery finally. January 6th. Now I just have to wait around for two months...

I uploaded an art trade piece as well as a few older drawings/paintings that were lying around. I have a handful of images that have potential if I flesh them out a bit but I don't know when I'll get to them. Trying to stay active with my artwork since I'll be out of work for a long time at the beginning of the year and I need something to keep me sane, heh.

I think I have totally lost faith in my artwork. I look back through my gallery here and feel.. nothing. These images.. I don't feel bound to them anymore.. they used to define me.. I was proud of them no matter how amateur they may come off to other people. From the first time I put a pencil to paper for the sole purpose of creating an image it has always been for myself, not for anyone else. I painted and created solely for my own purposes.. to make myself happy.. for therapeutic reasons. Have I really changed that much? Somewhere down the line I lost myself.. and now these drawings and paintings from the past seem as if they were created by a stranger. I still find beauty in the works of other artists, but I no longer feel like I contribute anything worthwhile. The passion I once had for creating has faded.. the watercolors and acrylics have dried up, my brushes are brittle and dry from discontinued use. I miss the person I used to be.. the artist. That person is hidden within me somewhere deep in my heart, I only wish I knew how to tap into it again.

I feel so incomplete..

So.. I have always had problems with my back.. my posture is very bad but growing up we always believed it was just that, bad posture. Turns out it's actually Scheuermann's kyphosis. I diagnosed myself after seeing some xrays of my spine and doing some research, but I had it confirmed by a spinal deformity specialist today. I'm going to have an aggressive surgical procedure done, probably in January, and I'll be out of work for 3 to 4 months :/

I really like the doctor I'm seeing now, he's the fourth one I've been to so far and now I can say he's the very LAST one. He actually seems to care, and takes the time to converse with me like a normal person and doesn't treat me like an idiot. I'm scared to death over this surgery (I think it's like a 13 hour surgery...) and I've never been put under for anything. I've never had a broken bone, no stitches, nothing. Now I'm going to have a titanium rod hooked to my spine! I have to be careful afterwards though, he said I'd be very susceptible to infection until I heal. Considering all that, I'm actually pretty excited too.. I will FINALLY have a normal curvature to my spine, I can't believe they can correct my posture by 20 degrees..

If you could spare a moment, send some positive vibes my way! I'll need all the positive energy I can get <3

So, does anyone use yahoo or msn pretty frequently?